Man ,even if I had the time to spare,
I'd have to ask myself, "Do I Really Care?"
So do as you like,
But I'll take a hike!
And spend my time splitting hair!
kcxngh 12/30/2002
219
Their shirts were red, like the sun that bled,
Thru the fog over Colmas hills.
They stood around at the planting ground,
To honor-up one of their dead.
They’d soon go back to Molloys old shack,
To quench that thirst that burns.
And there was talk, after viewing the rock.
That recorded his final days.
“We’ve come for Norton, and crab in a carton”,
Said they as they came from the hills.
“And none of our ills or the Christmas bills,
Can deter us from our goal.”
The ale, it flowed, and tales were told,
Of Clampers who’d come before.
And their numbers grew, as the time, it flew,
To many and many a score.
The Dickhead came, El Mojave the same,
From their diggings down in the South.
And springing the lock was the Defrock Proc,
With more from Yerba B.
Fambrini in tails, crustaceans in pails,
Ralleyed ‘round and ‘round the lot.
And the Hawkers there charged a price quite fair,
Fer the goods that they had brought.
The day wore on and the food was gone,
(the liquor would never run out).
And the sturdy, they say, headed Fresno way,
Their senses overdrawn.
“Glad to be here”, another Clamp-year,
Has Officially got it’s start.
I’ll hold my guts over wagon ruts,
And drink a medicinal beer.
Whippnboy 12/25/2002
218
Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the sand,
Shared wishes were stirring,
with a feeling so grand.
From here to the Hills,
full of gold up above,
A shared and unique,
form of Brotherly love.
Through the spirit of Saint Vitus,
burns a flickering warm light,
Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night.
Santa 12/24/2002
217
The chapter arrived at the old doins site,
Slippery not opened, there was nary a fight.
The cooks set their gear up way over there,
The hawkers came, unpacking their wares,
To watch them set up was really a sight.
The Greaybeards just sat there drinking a beer,
As the Recorder shouted, "Put that table overe here."
The Gold Dust Receiver was counting his money,
And the look on the Humbug was just pure honey,
This was the last function til the end of his year.
The Hangman with a smile, began unloading his truck,
Grand Council Guidelines, hell, he didn't give a fuck.
He looked at the shit that the PBC's would bear,
Rotten watermelons on their heads they would wear.
He'd soon have those assholes crawling in muck.
It wasn't long before visiting Redshirts came,
Greeting each other with their favorite name.
"Hey Dickhead, Hey Roadkill, you old piece of shit.-
Remember that last doins when we all drank a bit?"
You have to be a Clamper to understand this game.
All the old timers looked for their favorite spot,
Only five shady trees in that ten acre plot.
The whole motley bunch looked a little disheveled,
As tents were erected and RV's were leveled.
Hope there's room for the whole stinking lot.
As the day wore on, you could discern all the shouts,
The Hangman was marching some sad looking louts.
They sang "hidy didy" which could be heard by all.
And in their right hands they were clutching their balls.
There were in for a bad time, nobody had any doubts.
After all day swapping lies and consuming libations,
The brothers stagged to the Comparative Ovations.
The Historian and officers were there you see,
Pontificating the origins of Eee Cee Vee.
Never had PBC's heard more confusing orations.
Then came the time for the Staff of Relief,
The newly made brothers were in disbelief,
For one singled pout puke who received the pass,
Was told by all to stick it in his ass,
And wondered if there was end to this grief.
After a sumptous meal prepared the the crew,
The newly made brothers had a different view.
"That wasn't so bad" said a newby named Steven
"But next year I damned sure gonna get even."
This is my recollection as I relate it to you.
The get-away breakfast next morning was great,
Bloody Mary's were drunk and pancakes were ate.
As the redshirts were packing, you could hear,
"I damn well think, I'll come back next year."
Thank you will see me? I can hardly wait.
Disco Danny 12/21/2002
216
While sitting about on a Friday,
In came the tune Hidi Didi.
Seems weekend is here,
And it's time for a beer,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good nighty.
4/5ths Bruce 1/5th Santa Claws 12/21/2002
215
Deck the halls with plastic sheeting:
First it rains and now it's sleeting.
Southern breezes warm but fleeting;
showers soak our season's greetings.
Santa has to water ski,
into '003.
Certainly not defrocproc 12/21/2002
214
Did someone mention rum?
Sure do wish I had sum!
IRJR 12/21/2002
213
While sitting about on a friday,
in came the tune Hidi Didi.
Seems weekend is here,
and it's time for a beer.
Or something a little stronger. . . so I can get flighty!
4/5ths Bruce 1/5 kcxngh 12/20/2002
212
While sitting about on a friday,
In came the tune Hidi Didi,
Seems weekend is here,
And it's time for a beer,
We thank all the Lords almighty.
4/5ths Bruce 1/5 Keyhole 12/20/2002
211
Here's a poetic Sandbox turd,
from a redshirted computer nerd.
I couldn't get to sleep,
so I thought about sheep.
It's not good, but certainly absurd!
Dickhead 12/20/2002
210
Besides being fabulous writing,
It wuz also a gem of reciting.
Put the sheep in a cage,
Then got on the stage,
Twas nuttin but dad burned exciting.
Keyhole 12/20/2002
209
Ol’ Dickhead was off on a hunt,
For a builder to match a storefront.
But since Peter LeBeck,
Gave out no blank check,
He was forced to just to drop back & punt.
He lay on his cot, all alone,
Thinking, “Where is this builder of stone?”
He kept up the crusade,
‘Lest his goose be sautéed,
For the Doins must not be postponed.
No date had been set for erection.
That,you see, was his best recollection.
So he asked at The Box,
For a man who knew rocks.
Hoping there he would make the connection.
Whippinboy 12/19/2002
208
There once was a man named Gene,
Who built a masturbation machine.
The damned thing broke,
On the 14th stroke.
And whipped his balls to a cream !
kcxngh 12/19/2002
207
A Shakespearean actor named Booth,
Played villains and lechers with truth.
The ladies all fainted,
When he contemplated,
A buggering gesture, forsooth!
Al the first 12/19/2002
206
A lovely young widder called Jill,
Used a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina,
In South Carolina,
and both of her tits in Brazil.
XNGH19 12/19/2002
205
She was all dressed up like a penguin,
who so sultry-like said "take me, hon."
She screwed like a rabbit,
a broad out of her habit,
and was very proficient at sucking one.
Silent Sandy 12/19/2002
204
A young nun from Long Beach, California,
Said, "I think it's important to warnia,
That though seeming a saint,
I've an awful complaint,
I'm just getting steadily hornia."
kcxngh 12/18/2002
203
Sgt. Yogi 12/18/2002
202
There once was a Clamper named Iggy,
He looked more like Lenny, than Squiggy.
Laverne and Shirley did sigh,
"His shaft looks ready to die",
"But Iggy's Gherkin is definatey no Biggie!"
Clyde Stuntclamper 12/18/2002
201
Clod's shady disappearance wuz noted by Geezer,
Who sez he has no idea of his whereabouts either.
He'll pick the month's winning poet,
When he gets a good bribe doncha know it.
enough dough for a date that will please her.
Silent Sandy 12/17/2002
200
Of what we speak of sounds like Sid's Pole,
and instead of a creek, he found a hole,.
As he started to piss,
he heard an awful hiss,
And was bitten by a cute little mole.
Steve 58 12/17/2002
199
He looked for a place, to go take a leak,
With trees all around, right next to a creek .
He unzipped his fly,
Then let out a sigh,
But then saw the camera, "WHY THAT DAMNED LITTLE SNEAK!"
Keyhole 12/17/2002
198
There once was a man named Sid,
felt at home in the desert he did.
But when it came to taking a leak,
The more trees the better he would speak.
That way people couldn't see him when he hid.
kcxngh 12/16/2002
197
There once was a XNGH named Wild Bill,
Whose acts grew exceedingly ill.
He insisted on habits,
involving dead rabbits,
and a bird with a flexible bill.
Steve 58 12/16/2002
196
There once was a guy that worked hard for the past year,
So busy he didnt even have time to hoist a beer.
A simple minded brother thought it would be cool,
To spread a rumour that turned out to be rather cruel,
Now that brother deserves a huge "Bronxe Cheer".
KC 12/12/2002
195
There once was a man named Head Of Dick,
A Proctor who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt,
to find that bitch with a spiral cunt.
When he found her....he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!
Steve 58 12/12/2002
194
There once was a Clamper from Bel Air,
Who was doing his Widder on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.
Steve 58 12/11/2002
193
Not a bad start on poetry by Whippenboy,
who took to limericks like it were a new toy.
With Frazier as guide,
but no Dickhead-like pride,
Even Da Mohel Howard said "What a goy!"
Silent Sandy 12/11/2002
192
On a beach where her garments were strewed,
sat a lady sunbathing, quite nude.
Dickhead came along,
and unless I'm quite wrong,
You'd expect that this line would be lewd.
Humbug Howard 12/10/2002
191
I don't know how to limerick,
unless eating spotted dick.
My detractors are plenty,
Opinions worth but a penny,
and so I'll continue to roam,
And write not a serious poem,
Which will please only so many.
Bruce 12/10/2002
190
A hopeful young poet named Whip,
Was quick with a pun & a quip.
After hearing from Sandy,
He made for the brandy,
And avioded a giant guilt trip.
Whippnboy 12/10/2002
189
Duncker said the voices tell him to,
but the reality of it would never do.
He talks to himself,
blames it on an elf,
and the rest of us don't have a clue.
Silent Sandy 12/10/2002
188
Disco sez there's paranoid in my belly,
the thought of X-files turns me to jelly.
My imagination it's not,
It's a damned government plot.
Or else I'm just an old nervous nellie....
Silent Sandy 12/10/2002
187
Bertha was a technician from LLNL.
That took a chance on a Nuclear Pill.
They found her vagina,
in South Carolina,
and her boobs in a tree in Brazil!
Steve 58 12/10/2002
186
An inspiring chronicler named Sandy,
Keeps his conspiracy theories right handy.
When an event is in question,
And takes a strange direction,
The "X-Files and "Charmed" are just dandy.
Disco Danny 12/10/2002
185
A foolish dummy, Geezer, with fear,
Put a Spanish Fly in his beer.
After drinking this potion,
he wuz overcome with emotion,
and buggered six cows and a steer.
Steve 58 12/10/2002
184
In this day . . . . . . . . and in this time,
All Clampoetry , don't have to rhyme.
And some may scoff,
Cuz the dad burned cadence and timing may be off,
And then there's that last line that can really fuck things up.
KEYHOLE 12/09/2002
183
Two clamp brothers, Clod and Clyde say,
They were two little sandturds born Xmas Day.
With the Sandbox their womb,
They shared their own smelly room,
Both were green little sandturds textured with Hay.....
They grew up and left the Sandbox...who knows how,
Their Sandbox mama looked more like a cow.
Of drinkin Big Slippery...they do it with Glee,
And now they want to go drink with ole Ephraim Bee,.
STEVE 58 12/09/2002
182
A clamper sat, reading a poem.
Sez he, “I can write such a tome”,
He searched for a rhyme,
But time after time,
Thought of none that did not cause a groan.
Whippnboy 12/07/2002
181
Goodies indeed , their comin in fast,
Fine turds of Verse , back in here at last.
Some authors new,
And Veterans too,
Like a daily mini doins , this board is a blas.
Keyhole 12/07/2002
180
Who'd of thought a poem about James Bond,
That dapper ole' spy from across the pond,
Would be in December's contest.
It's not the longest and surely not best,
But look at the goodies it spawned!
Tom Barry 12/06/2002
179
Don't give up your day jobs.
defrocproc 12/06/2002
178
Before sailing off to the seas,
El Mojave sez, “No E-jokes please”.
Red shirts of each kind,
Sent what came to mind,
Thus causing his browser to freeze.
Ol’ Sidney took off fer the ocean,
Sailing nearly halfway from here,Off to Goshen.
Upon his return,
His ears they did burn,
Fer thought of so senseless a notion.
Whippnboy 12/06/2002
177
I wrote a diatribe while eating my bananer,
and even added stanza's to the star spangled banner.
I didn't write pages and pages,
for agrandizement through the ages.
I wrote em to piss off old Tanner.
Silent Sandy 12/06/2002
176
When El Mojave returns from his cruise,
He asks that there be no Clamper news.
'Cause Sid will have exploded,
If his in-box is over-loaded,
With trivial e-mail from youse.
Disco Danny 12/06/2002
175
I cain't get on the cover of Rolling Stone,
nor noted fer writing a damned poem.
Guess my limericks suck,
and I don't give a fuck,
cause I ain't egotistical prone....
Silent Sandy 12/06/2002
174
Is James Bond a Clamper?
Now, don’t be absurd!
He’ll not join this Sandbox,
To deposit a turd.
It’s not that he’s more couth,
Or has more than one tooth,
He likes his shit,
Shaken, not stirred.
TOM BARRY 12/03/2002
173
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